Rosh Chodesh Nissan 5785 Freedom of my Voice

It's time for my freedom

It's time to own my voice

It's time to relieve the lump in throat that has been there for decades... Keeping me small and shy and worried about what everyone else thinks of me.

It's time to express myself

Through art

Through dance

Through words

Imperfect and messy and loud

And sometimes quiet

Just here

Oh so here

I feel a calling in my soul

An inner Moses

Calling me out of this self doubt

Here I come

On Rosh Chodesh Nissan

The first month for our nation

The month of miracles

The month of redemption

The month of expression

The month the fire settled in the Mishkan

God is pulling me out

With a deep knowing that I can't stay in self doubt anymore

A deep desire to speak my truth

Even if no one understands or wants to hear

Here I am

Breathing through the fear and discomfort;

Who am I to show up with this website

With these offers..

There are so many people doing similar things

And so many people better at it!

And I'm still so shakey

Still sometimes so out of my body and scared

Who am I to show up ???

Here I am

Facing this fear

Breathing with humility of my ancestors who left Egypt with flat Matza

It's true, I may not be the best

But I am me

I am CHOSEN by God to express His light

I am holy, I am whole, I am here

In this body, with this soul, at this time

It's my art

It's my body dancing

It's my words on this page

And I'm going to express myself because God is taking me out of my personal Egypt

And I have something to say ...

Embodiment... Is it really important?

Why am I on this path towards deeper embodiment?

Is it really important to get in touch with my body

And connect with all my parts..?

To be connected to my feelings and emotions?

Do they really hold a message for me?

Is it more important than helping others?

And making money for my family?

And using all my talents and sharing them with the world!?

What about doing all the mitzvahs and serving Hashem.. ?

My go-to subconscious thoughts are keeping me in my head... Telling me all the things I need to do.. ideas to accomplish.. things to plan and get done.. and only then I'll be happy..

Lemme just get married

Just have kids

Just make money

Just make beautiful paintings..

Just sell the painting

Just make a program and inspire others

Just heal my anxious thoughts...

Just be around like-minded women

Just learn enough Torah ..

And then I'll be happy..

And live happily ever after...

But I'm slowly learning

And noticing

That all of these thoughts are chasing happiness

And I'll never really get there

Cuz there will always be something else

A deeper yearning...

I'm slowly learning

That my soul is ok..

It's whole.. holy.. divine...

But my body.. it needs me.. to heal..

To listen to her inner wisdom

To feel the peace and love of Hashem

That comes from presence

In each moment.

My body comes with me everywhere

It's the vessel that holds my soul here

It allows me to experience my life

And when my nervous system is regulated

I can live and choose conciously.

Hashem created this entire universe cuz he desired a relationship with me.

Not with my soul..

Not with the version of me I think I should be

Not with the me that hides in shame

Or wants to be perfect.

Authentic me right now,

In this body

With these emotions

With these struggles

And desires

And dislikes.

My body holds the wisdom

To access the peace and joy that I've been chasing all my life outside of me..

If I only surrender and allow it..

If only I slow down enough to listen

And tune in to each moment

And honor my needs.

Being embodied

Allows me to unite with G-d Almighty

Allows me to feel safe and secure and enough

Allows me to tap into my true purpose at each moment

No matter how I'm feeling.

And from this place

Grounded

Breathing

Being in the moment

I can notice

The opportunities in front of me

To step into

Sometimes to give, sometimes to receive

All part of the one Hashem .

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This painting, called "City of Parts", reminds me of the sacred role we have to bring all our parts back home. This is the purpose of creation, and God willing very soon we'll all feel Hashems light within our bodies and within the world!

https://www.sarasjewishart.com/product-page/city-of-parts

Thoughts on Miracles

Happy Chanukah!

It's the Holiday of miracles.

The small group of Macabees conquered the mighty greek army.

The small amount of oil burned In the menorah for 8 days.

God is not limited by nature

He can do anything at anytime.

We're told to pray for miraclesownwnwn and to express our desires

And to open Chanel's for them to flow through

And beleive and trust in the best possible outcome

And also to beleive that Hashem is in ultimate control of the entire universe

And He does not make mistakes

And everything that happens is truly from Him

And truly good

Cuz the nature of good is to do good.

So maybe everything is really a miracle

That our eyes that can see

Our ears that can hear

The ground that can hold us

The oxygyn that we breath

The grass blowing in the wind

Is all only happening with Hashems will right now.

Maybe if we tune into ourselves,

Remembering that were each an expression of the Divine,

And by being present in each moment we find ourselves in..

And showing up as best as we can..

We connect with the divine,

And channel more miracles to the world

Maybe this holiday is about tuning in

And recognizing that everything is from Him

And He's 1000% involved in our world

And we don't always understand his ways

Maybe the miracle is staying connected to God that we cannot always see and cannot always understand

We have choices we can make everyday.

1. We can choose to believe we're on our own, and life is just our circumstances, and we gotta just get through it.

1. Or we can believe that God is truly with us, And runs the world for each of our benefits..And every high and every low is there for us to grow..

I think choosing option b is truly miraculous… and allows us to draw down revealed miriacles.

May We all see and experience the abundant miracles in our every single day and every moment.