- Sara Schwartz
- Feb 26, 2020
There are so many times that I just want to shrink into the darkness, that I dare not raise my voice, because who would want to hear me? I mindlessly scroll through social media and think about all the people who seem so much better than me. You all seem to have it together, or have more money or followers or fame. You just seem to have only good days, and here I am sinking again!
You probably don't even know me or have ever heard of me. I feel like a dot in the ocean, like a lone ship floating in the sea that no one even notices. Why should I bother posting my art when I'll probably never be famous? At least right now, when my priority is my family and my four little kids.
How could I think of creating and marketing a unique type of Jewish movement class when I'm not even a professional dancer! I never got a degree in dance choreography, or anything for that matter. How dare I even think of sharing my inspiration when I have so much other stuff going on, like anxiety and triggers and internal battles.
I lost it at my kids this morning, again! I was not respectful to my husband last night! That lady didn't like my dance class, and I can barely cover the studio cost! I got advice from my art teacher about my paintings –– they're probably not good enough to share with the world!
I watch you all on social media, posting your beautiful work or projects, and you just seem so perfect. I just want to throw my phone across the room because I feel like I could never measure up to you!
I was in the darkness on my couch feeling anxious because I wanted to shine but didn't think I was good enough, and I can easily get back to that place. But recently, a new internal voice also shares her thoughts and I like this one much better:
I am good enough now! Not when I have a house or a million followers on Instagram, or when I have a degree or anything else.
But good enough now, period.
With all my doubts and mess-ups and messiness.
With all my triggers and anxieties.
And also with all my beautiful, amazing qualities.
All my ups and downs make up the story of my life. There is no objective measure of success, and no race to finish.
I am a unique, beautiful creation of Hashem. He formed my soul and placed it in my body and in my family with my husband and my children, all specially for me to live the best life I can live. My purpose is to be myself, and in turn to inspire others to be their awesome selves!
Shterna Ginsburg teaches in her book Your Awesome Self that we each have our unique portion in the world that we are meant to elevate. My portion is whatever and whoever I come into contact with. I don't need to be perfect, or even amazing, I just need to be me, and shine light whenever and wherever possible.It might be a small, messy, flickering light, but it's my light, and no one else can shine it!
This voice gets me off the couch and inspires me to take positive action. I'll make that painting, even if it takes a while to finish and it doesn't sell right now. I'll make up a dance to a song that inspires me, and I'll lead that dance class and enjoy the joy of movement that I feel and bring to others!
I'll make that messy project with my kids. Or I'll make a nourishing dinner for my family. Or I'll take a rejuvenating nap so I have energy for them later.
I'll call a friend that could use advice, or say hello to my neighbor, or I'll open the Tehillim and talk to Hashem.
I'll wear what clothes make me feel good and not worry if I'm following the latest trends. I'll share on social media what inspires me today, whether I post it or not, whether I get comments, or likes, or any type of recognition.
I know that I am shining my light and revealing my soul and in turn lighting up the world ❤️
These two voices still battle in my head I think I know deep down which one is the truth, but it's still hard to stay focused. I know I definitely feel better when I listen to the voice of light, and people around me also benefit.
I’m learning that certain "rules" help me stay on track and stay on the path of light:
1. Just show up! Just do it! Even if I'm not feeling it or feeling uninspired about whatever I was going to do, if I made a commitment, stick with it and follow through. My heart and mind usually follows after I start.
2. Be aware of what my body is telling me. Eat healthy food when I'm hungry. Sleep when I'm tired. And do some form of exercise when I'm feeling anxious. (I even started a self care support Whatsapp group, which helps me to feel good about 'just' taking care of myself.)
3. Spend some time in nature each day, and even better in sunlight.
4. Unfollow the people on social media that make me feel ‘less than’, or ‘not good enough’, or just stay off social media completely if I need to! (Maybe one day I'll be in the space where I can follow everyone and still feel good about myself, but for now this works for me)
5. Spend time with people that love me and support me. It really does help!
6. Make a playlist of songs that inspire me and play whenever needed 😉
7. Get support from others in the areas that I need. This one is taking me time, but I'm learning that I don't need to be a 'professional' at everything in order to shine and I can learn from others who have more experience than me!
8. Do what feels good and brings me pleasure and joy! Yes, there is a "to do list", but I really try to delegate what doesn't bring me joy, and stay in the space of "I want to be doing this" as much as possible.
I hope this article will inspire us all to shine our unique light!
I would like to dedicate this to Rabbi Yitzy Horowitz who is suffering from ALS and is completely handicapped yet still manages to shine his light and writes inspirational articles weekly with a special eye reading machine.
He wrote a song called "Shine a Little Light". These lyrics really speak to me are:
If I'm a little light
And you're a little light
Together we are so very bright
A little light here
A little light there
See the smiles
It's so very clear!